heycheri has entered the chat room.
You should know that for the past several years, I’ve made absolutely nothing for this blog, and as far as money making goes, this blog was homeless, pushing around a rusty shopping cart, and shaking a styrofoam cup with a sticky nickel rattling around inside. Google AdSense kicked me off years ago for reasons unknown. I suspect it might have something to do with previous posts I’ve written concerning more controversial topics (like how it feels to be trapped in a porn subscription service, for example, or my detailed account of the various sex toys a Swedish luxury brand once sent me to test and review). Miraculously (and almost a decade later), Google decided to reinstate my monetization ability. Also with no explanation why. If you see ads everywhere, just think of it as the Internet finally paying me back for all the hard work I’ve poured into it.
I must assure you that as shocking as my posts can be at times, I mean absolutely no harm. In fact, I’d prefer you be amused than abhorred. So for those with more delicate tastes (I’m looking at you, Mom), let us both agree that it is your choice to continue reading this abomination of a blog. And if you find yourself offended by what you see here, well … As much as I’d like to reach out and click the page shut for you, the limitations of current human technology prevent me from doing so. I suppose you’ll have to make do without my help.
Though I may whore out my creative services to various companies and outlets like the sell-out I am, perfectly content in using that money to stock my shelves with food, my library with books, and my free time with travels, this little piece of the Internet is a place I call all my own.
Welcome to heycheri.com.
If you happen to be a new visitor, here are some things you should know. These are things my regular readers already know, which clearly makes them cooler than you. You want to be cool, don’t you? I thought so.
- Take nothing I say seriously. Except this bullet point right here.
- Have a sense of humor.
- I’ve been doing this (“this” being writing to an audience) for well over a decade now. Some of my oldest entries are the scrawls of a brain-dead teenager and I’ve thankfully taken the most embarrassing of these down, but they do exist. Somewhere. Haunting me with their horrible formatting and bright pink, para-centered, completely capitalized text with terribly photoshopped pictures (hayyy, free nose jobs y’all).
- I was born and raised in Stockton, California where I lazily attended an inconsequential community college with awful professors who, to my fury, often incorrectly accused me of plagiarizing my writing. Needless to say, I paid very little attention in class. While there, I blogged about my small town adventures and how I longed to leave and see the world. When a company offered to move me out to San Francisco on my own at 23, I was quick to drop out of school and jumped on the opportunity for very little pay. Since then, the list of my accomplishments has grown tremendously (as has my required salary), and I attribute this solely to the fact that I would rather die than move back to that tiny town where narrow-minded living is the norm. Unfortunately, I still return with surprising regularity to visit my family and friends. They receive me begrudgingly, and I eat their food.
- I am a writer (obviously) and a multiple award winning growth hacker. I give good Internet. So good, in fact, I get paid to do it. And though I hesitate to list my full and pompous list of credentials, I’ll leave you with a poor few to wet the lips: 1) I was the lead social media news editor for a popular tech news site. 2) I’ve interviewed everyone from celebrities and authors, to multi-billionaire philanthropists and astronauts. 3) Various companies have flown me around the world to represent and cover their brands at large events. 4) Adding up the numbers, I have a personal audience of just around 500,000+ across the web, not including my reach through the companies I consult for or have worked for in the past. 5) I’ve raised over $30MM in funding over the span of my portfolio, and that number is still growing. Lastly 5) Sometimes people send me things that should be expensive for free (makeup, clothes, video games, gadgets, etc). I have no idea how I’ve tricked these people into doing this.
- I am driven by the desire to saturate my life with new experiences, discover new things, and gather great stories along the way. Thus, I am delightfully open-minded, rarely say no to interesting opportunities, and often find myself in situations just a pinch more risky than average. As they say, I have balls.
- In the pursuit of creative inspiration, I’ve hurled myself professionally into several wildly interesting occupations including but not limited to: starting my own company at 29, journalism, modeling, makeup artistry, photography, art, kink, fitness, technology, gaming, health, and too many other things to name. I have been a terrible person, a wonderful person, and am now, I believe, a well-rounded person.
- In June of 2017, I became a pescatarian after watching Okja on Netflix. 6 months later on Thanksgiving day, I became vegan. I am extremely passionate about the vegan lifestyle and believe vegans are working to not only eliminate animal cruelty, but to aid the planet and human health overall.
- Though I do my best to hide it, it’s true that I’m a closet nerd. Video games, comic books, anime, animated films, epic fantasy novels, online roleplaying, MMORPGs, trading card games, doodling in sketchbooks — these things shaped my childhood, and while I only dabble in them now, I still geek out with the best of them.
- My favorite color is pink, and nearly every accessory I own is either decked out in a fuchsia case or bedazzled with rose-colored gems, much to the blinded detriment of everyone standing within 5 feet of me when I pull out my phone to answer a call in the daytime.
- I read. A lot. Everything. Often.
- I have no idea how to drive a car. I do, however, ride motorcycles with astonishing proficiency.
I could go on forever, really (isn’t talking about ourselves fun?), but I’ll leave you to read my actual blog in order to discover more about me.
And if, for some reason, you feel compelled to contact me, I’ve made this process ridiculously easy for you. Simply fill out the form on my contact page where you’ll be able to send all business inquiries, love letters, or hate mail directly to my personal account. Huzzah!
Sherilynn “HeyCheri” Macale
PS. This is another picture of me:
PPS. If you’re viewing my website from your mobile device (say, perhaps, an iPad), you’ll realize just how poorly optimized my site is for mobile. If I knew how to program, I would edit my mobile site to make my blog easier to navigate. But since I am a useless human being who writes for a living, I leave you with this detailed non-apology instead. Keep it 100.
heycheri has left the chat room.