Q: dear cheri. how do you deal with close friends who now either treat you terribly. or dont try? like honestly its the year before we all go separate ways. and i cant help but feel bitter. thought you might have some insight on it, and i feel like youre someone who can be straight honest with me. thank youuuu:)
— via Tumblr
A: With close friends that don’t try, if I still want them in my life, I try to make an effort to show that I give a shit about them first. It’s important to me that I do away with my own pride if I want to salvage friendships by making an obvious effort to incorporate them into everything I do — whether it’s divulging secrets, asking for help in making big decisions, or just venting emotionally.
If it’s obvious that they aren’t reciprocating even after multiple tries, then fuckit — I did what I could, so what else is there left to do? I simply stop relying on them for those sort of things and move on to the friends who I know will be there for me. But I don’t go so far as to completely cut them out of my life — they haven’t done anything wrong, after all. They’re probably going through their own shit too. I have no idea.
I think you need to ask yourself how much you value your friendships with these people, and also ask yourself whether or not you’re just being selfish. People sometimes grow in different paths. People sometimes get busy. People sometimes just need a break from one another.
All you know is what’s going on in your own head, so do what you can to make yourself happy and stop worrying about these other people. I’m sure they’ll come around if they truly are your friends. And if not, then fuck ‘em.
Have a question? Need advice? Simply want to vent?
Feel free to either shoot me an email, reach out to me on Tumblr anonymously (I realize some of you would rather not be associated with your questions — this is fine), or find some other creative means to get in touch. I’m happy to help. And no, not all advice questions will make it onto heycheri.com, but I hope to at least help as many of you as possible during my downtime.
I should also note that the reason I wasn’t answering questions specifically here on heycheri.com was because I typically preface questions with long introductions and these lengthy, nonsensical stories that I’m sure no one really cares about. Now having had this blog for quite some time, I’m realizing that sometimes, people don’t give a shit about absolutely everything. They just want the straight advice.
For those of you who typically come here to read my lengthier posts, I hope that these brief question-answering entries don’t deter you from visiting my site. I’d love to cater to absolutely everyone, but … Well. That’s just not possible. Fortunately, I run the show here, so I can do whatever I want. ;)
Oh, and real quickly:
Let me point you towards a Facebook contest I’m running where you can enter for a chance to win a $200 gift card to Gemvara.com. As Valentine’s Day is coming up, this could slash $200 off of something sparkly and pretty for your sweetheart. Or, y’know, just buy something for yourself or save the gift card for a rainy day. It’s your $200 to spend. Check it out!
Speak soon, yeah?
XOXO Cheri XOXO