Oh snap. Things just got adorable in here!
Remember a few days ago when I was talking about needing to take it easy, do new things and enjoy this time I have off from working for the corporate man? Well, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. And I just feel so. Damn. Happy. No joke — things could not get better right now. I don’t even know where to begin.
I guess I can start you guys off with the biggest news first, then sort of ease you into how awesome the rest of my life has been. I apologize in advance, of course, for how scatter-brained I might sound in the following paragraphs, or for any incomplete thoughts I may lead you into below — I feel like I’ve been doing nothing but new things and having crazy adventures recently. It’s kind of hard to stack it all into chronological order, especially when taking into account how drunk I was through a lot of it.
Also, I realize that the pictures on this particular blog post really have nothing to do with the actual content, but I figured, hey. Some of you aren’t even here to read. Some of you just want to fap to pictures of Asian chicks on the Internet. Luckily for fappers everywhere, I happen to provide that service for free. Thus, the intro full of incredibly vain and animated photos of me being both drunk and adorable! Don’t you just want to pinch my cheeks?! … Or punch me in the face. Who knows, really? Some people only read my blog because they hate me and have vowed to never come back. And yet, here they are, reading my posts, fuming over my awesomeness. Not sure how that one works, really.
Okay, there I go being scatter-brained. Moving on.
The big news first, okay? Are you ready for this? Are you? Here goes.
I am officially someone’s girlfriend now.
Mark December 5th on your calendars, kids, because that is the night that Sex Monster (LOL) clasped my face, ran his fingers through my hair, kissed me and finally told me that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I know. Ladies, fan yourselves and say, “Awwww!” because yes, it was totally romantic and sweet, and oh my gosh, yes, I’m very f*cking happy. Like, newly-painted-toe-curling happy.
While I’d love to reveal exactly when it happened and exactly where we were when the “big news” occurred, I fear it may not be appropriate for some of my younger readers. The moment was a bit, shall we say, “passionate”? Hilariously enough, the situation is totally what you’d expect from someone who’s dating a man she is forced to refer to as “Sex Monster”, so I’ll just let your minds wander a bit with that one. Winky face.
* Can I do that? Can I just spell out “winky face” without actually using the emoticon?
I just did, damn it. Moving on.
Some of my newer readers might be thinking, “Why is Cheri being someone’s girlfriend such a huge deal?” But as any of my OG blog readers will tell you, me even admitting that I’m into someone in a romantic way is very rare, and usually comes with a buttload of hesitation and drama. I’m always incredibly wary with revealing intimate details about my romantic life due to how the blog publicity has affected my relationships in the past. I mean, you guys all remember G, don’t you? And Steven? And Gabriel? Haha, oh man. I do not even want to link you guys to those entries — some things just belong in the archives, y’all.
But again, I’m very happy.
And also, very nervous.
How I’m approaching being in a committed relationship:
Being committed is like … I don’t even. It’s crazy. And by crazy, I mean exciting and fun and “Holy shit, this is awesome”, but it’s also new and nerve-wracking and just, I dunno. Unfamiliar. Really fucking unfamiliar.
I mean, I’ve been in relationships before, duh, but this one’s brand new. Uncharted territory. As in, I refuse to fuck this one up, y’know what I mean? This one hasn’t been tainted yet by the dish-throwing, name-calling or hole-in-the-wall-punching drama that my previous relationships have been, and I really hope to keep it that way. I’d really just like to have a mature, adult relationship with someone who I’m absolutely crazy about, and who I think is crazy about me — or so he claims, anyway. Smiley face.
But what exactly is a mature, adult relationship, and how am I avoiding drama with Sex Monster? Also, what sort of girlfriend am I to begin with? Well, allow me to break it down for you. The following is not a sure-fire way to make your boyfriend happy, and it’s definitely not some sort of “method” that everyone should employ (relationships aren’t a science, kids), but hey. This is what works for me, so maybe it will work for you?
Take a peek at my recipe below for being an awesome girlfriend.
Cheri’s Recipe for Being an Awesome Girlfriend (the 18+ version, probably):
- Have as much sex as humanly possible with your boyfriend. Try everything with him. And yes, I realize that sex should not be the only thing that holds two people together, but holy shit. If you two have the sort of chemistry where when you’re out in public, you can’t keep your hands off of each other and just want to rip one another’s clothing off? Take advantage of that immediately. For me, that sort of spark is very rare.
- If you feel insecure about something or have an issue that’s bothering you, just be open and honest about it. Don’t throw a fit, don’t throw a tantrum, but definitely communicate with your lover in a way that’s both revealing of your issues and sensitive to his feelings as well. I cannot stress how important communication is. Get everything out of the way so it doesn’t get pent up and escalate into some sort of ridiculous fight.
- Don’t nag your boyfriend. This is a very traditional rule that I happen to live by. As in, I don’t call him, I let him call me. And on that same note, I don’t just wait around by my phone desperate for him to call. It’s my personal belief that I should always have something going on. Fortunately, I happen to have a shitload of hobbies and personal projects in the works almost 24/7, so this isn’t a problem.
- Don’t be afraid to let him know when you’re thinking about him. Winky face. I do realize I just said you’re not supposed to call or nag your boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean you can’t let him know when you’re thinking about him, right? We do live in the age of the smartphone, after all. It’s quite easy to send a quick text message to our SOs. And for me, since I’m a bit of a “dude” I guess, I tend to text my sweetheart when I’m thinking about him in “that way”. And sweetie, if you’re reading this, I swear I don’t mean to objectify you at all and I promise that you are not just a big piece of sexy meat to me, but holy god. If I want to jump your bones right this very moment, I’m going to let you know about it. So ladies, speaking from experience, let me tell you — your honey buns will not mind if you tell him you’re horny and miss him. Trust me. And hey, if you want to lure him over to your apartment with a cute picture to remind him of what’s waiting for him, well. I doubt he’d object.
- Aim to be a “vacation” for your boyfriend. It’s super important to me that when my sweetheart is around me, he’s enjoying himself so much that he doesn’t want to leave. And I don’t mean this in a, “You’re trapped! You’re never leaving! Bahahaha!” sort of way. I mean it more like, make him super comfortable, be there when he needs someone to talk to, and always make him feel like he’s the most important thing in the world. For example, my sweetie has full-body massages on tap when he’s with me. He doesn’t even have to ask. And when he’s lying in my bed, trust me — he’s happy. He doesn’t have to ask for a drink, I’m already offering while on my way to grab the Brita pitcher from the fridge, or heating up the kettle to make green tea for him in the morning. It just feels good to make him feel special, and if you’re crazy about someone, that’s how it should be. It’s not a chore to do things for them. You just want to.
Okay, okay. You get it.
Blah, blah, blah. I could go on, I suppose, but as much as I love gushing about this kind of crap, I’m sure none of you actually wants to read about it at length. So uh, I’ll just say this:
My goal in life when it comes to relationships has always been to be the “perfect housewife” sort of girl. The kind of chick who makes lemonade and cookies for her sweetie when he’s doing manly things around the house, or brings him his favorite beer when he’s watching his favorite shows on TV, or massages his shoulders for him after a long day at work.
To me, that’s just what girlfriends/wives/whatevers are supposed to do — it comes with the job description, y’know? This is the standard that I hold myself against, is something I’ve always grown up wanting to do for my boyfriend or significant other, and is something that I finally get to do with Sex Monster (God, I can’t even type that stupid nickname with a straight face).
Don’t get me wrong, he’s awesome too!
The relationship is not completely one-sided, of course. I’m not the only one sitting there giving him long massages, fetching him drinks and scratching his head while he buries his face into my chest (not that I wouldn’t mind being the only one doing it, by the way). He’s also incredibly generous and giving in almost every way possible.
For example, when things ended with The Next Web, he was immediately there for me. I called him crying, basically, and feeling very vulnerable — weakness just isn’t something I enjoy showing people. And he was just … So sympathetic. So willing to change his plans around immediately to make sure that I was okay, that I had someone I could talk to, and someone that would make everything better. You have no idea how much I appreciated him at that moment, and realized he was someone I could really be with. And this was before we were official.
He even picked me up from the bar I was drinking at (yes, my cliche-ass totally went to a bar to drown my sorrows in alcohol), drove me home, and picked up ingredients from the grocery store to make banana + Nutella crepes from scratch for me. And hey, if I hadn’t forced him to pull over so I could puke out of his car like the disgusting and unattractively just-laid-off wreck I was, we probably would have had some amazing and romantic sex that night. Alas, not every moment has a fairytale ending. /Facepalm. Fortunately, Sex Monster is kind enough to see past my faults. In fact, just this morning, he pointed out how cute the mascara smeared all over my face was, then cooed over the huge pimple on my stache-line. Isn’t he sweet?
In all seriousness, there are several things about him that I like, and again, I could gush forever about this sort of thing. But I’ll keep it simple: He’s kind, he’s smart, he makes me laugh (and hard), I want to rip his clothes off, he treats me well, he’s well-spoken, I respect him, he’s sexy, he makes me feel comfortable, the sex is insane-pornstar status, he’s super manly, he can cook (like, real cooking), he’s interesting, and I just have a shitload of fun with him. And yeah, it’s great.
But okay. Enough about relationships and mushy gushy nyah-nyah-nyah.
The rest of my life is turning out pretty terrific as well.
Oh man, this post is getting long, yeah? But there’s just so much good news to share! So many good things are in the works or have already happened. I’m working on a few personal projects right now (when am I not?), and I’m in the process of sorting out a few sponsorships with some really cool prizes from a few amazing companies. I’ve also been taking meetings with several people on possible employment opportunities, while also going on crazy adventures with a few friends of mine.
Needless to say, I’ve been taking full advantage of the time I’ve been given while available for hire, and my days have been full of nothing but positive experiences so far. I am, however, of the sort to believe that with extreme highs like this, there is the potential for a long fall with an impressive crash and burn. So no, I don’t expect this happiness will last forever. Thankfully, I’m accustomed to the sting of failure, so I’m not scared of what’s to come. Rather, I am excited to experience the rest of my life, regardless of whether those experiences are good or bad.
Alright. That’s enough.
I need to stop writing so fucking much.
The TLDR version: Things are good, my boyfriend’s hot, and I’m trying new things. The end.
Off to zone out with a video game before bed,
Sherilynn “Cheri” Macale