You know how your friends call you when you’re not feeling okay?
Friends that you normally laugh with, have fun with, and probably have a really good time with?
The thing I probably hate the most about situations like this is that I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news. I don’t want to be the one to turn our otherwise normally happy and cheerful conversations sour. I don’t want to be the reason my friend probably never calls back because he or she thinks that I probably need space right now because I’m going through a ton of shit.
But fuck, dude.
Sometimes I can’t help but cry.
I’m human too.
My good friend called me today while out drunk and celebrating with all of my other buddies here in the city, and when he asked if I was okay, I couldn’t fucking help it. I cracked a little.
I feel desperate. I feel sad. And according to The Secret, my mood will only attract similar situations & moods unless I force myself to feel confident again and start pushing myself to believe in who I am (again).
… But I dunno.
You get fucked over too many times, and sometimes it’s hard to get back up.
Spending last week back at home with my family was relaxing. I got to lay around, I actually got a good night’s sleep (no paper thin walls with loud roomies — not that I don’t like my roomies! Just, the walls are so freaking thin here that you can hear everything), I ate tons of food (my mom was definitely trying to fatten me up when I got home, and she kept commenting on how skinny I’ve gotten), and … Yeah. I chilled.
But being back in the city, it’s back to loud living.
Loud people. Loud sounds. Loud everything.
I can see why people say they’d never live in San Francisco, and prefer to live just outside of it where there’s a bit more peace and quiet. But it’s one of those things you only learn after you’ve tried it for yourself.
Maybe I’m not cut out for anything anymore.
I’m at least glad that I’m able to share my bullshit with you guys so you can maybe appreciate your own lives, or learn from my mistakes, or whatever other hippie inspiring bullshit I usually come up with for why I write these depressing fucking blogs every once in a while.
Honestly, I’m just venting.
XOXO Cheri XOXO
PS! In brighter news, I’ve been playing around on DeviantArt a lot recently (you can check out my gallery there and +watch me if you like my stuff!), and when I went to comment on someone’s page to thank them for following me and favoriting a few of my pieces, I saw this nifty little button at the bottom of the comment box that said, “Add Drawing”. AWESOME. You can add drawings to the comments you leave for people! As in, drawings you drew yourself!
The drawing tools in the program are shit, but it’s still a cool feature.
Here’s what I left for the girl who added me to the list of people she watches on DA:
Bahaha. I hope she’s pleasantly surprised.
I’ll probably do this for a few people, I think. :) It’ll cheer me up. Ridiculously easy-to-draw and FREE artwork for everyooonneeeee!! … Well. Sort of everyone.