Sherilynn Macale

I really, really can’t take a serious picture lately. ♥
One is on webcam, and the other is to test out my new camera! :)
But enough showing off and being goofy. Time to get down to business.

Surprise! Boy drama!
… Not really that surprising, is it? :P

Obviously, G and I haven’t been talking. I mean, after the big sluts-in-his-phone thing and the wake-and-jerk sitch, it was like, fuck dude. He brings out this psycho side of me that I didn’t even fuckin’ know I had. And psycho Cheri is not a happy person. Psycho Cheri should not be someone that even needs to rear her ugly head. Psycho Cheri needs to take a long, long, looooong nap and disappear already.

That being said, we’ve both decided that it would be dumb to remain in contact with one another (because we both drive each other insane).

Sounds pretty mature, doesn’t it? That’s like a huge step up from before where we would continue to text one another, or call each other, or hang out and pretend to be “friends”. We’re trying to make progress with our relationship by not making any progress at all. Does that make sense?

And I gotta’ say, halting all communication with G was tough at first. I mean, how do you just sever a huge connection like that?

But I’ve been keeping myself busy. Hanging out and talking to Gabriel (who kind of annoys me, actually, because he plays too many head games — details later). Going out with girlfriends. Playing a lot of videogames. Applying for jobs. Doing everything I can do, basically, to keep my mind off of him.

And honestly?
I’m just done with his bullshit.
Like, I’ve had to deal with his drama for so long that I just feel completely drained of emotion for the situation. It’s like I’ve come to terms with the fact that he’s a total douche-bag, and that worrying about such a scummy guy is just not worth the brain power or energy.

I could be using this energy to do something else.
I could be using this energy to aggressively live my life.
I could be using this energy to do something positive for myself.

And I am.
I’m using all of the energy that I poured into G (and there’s a lot of it) into doing something for myself instead.

So do you know how annoying it was to get out of the shower and see that I had missed a call from him? My first thought was, What the fuck, I thought we had both agreed that speaking to each other was a bad idea. And it was mainly his idea, actually, so why is he fuckin’ calling me?

But I did the polite thing and returned his call anyways. I mean, he did support me a bit when he heard that my Grandma passed away. This is the least I can do.

“Hello?” He answers, very monotone and kind of mean-sounding.
“Hi, did you call?” I’m sandwiching the phone between my shoulder and my cheek, snatching up an outfit from the pile of clothing I’d set aside to go out later that night with my girlfriends.
“Yeah. I had a missed call from you on my phone, so I called back.” He says, keeping up the same retarded tone.
“Uhm…” I laugh while sliding on some snakeskin leggings. “No, I didn’t call you.” But nice excuse, jerk.
“Oh. Well, Dave said you called looking for me.” Wtf?? Is he just pulling shit out of his ass now?
“I don’t even have Dave’s number, G. It must have been some other girl.” I’m kind of weirded out at this point because I’ve obviously just been blatantly ignoring him for the past few days — why would I bother calling him? It’s not like we’re friends. In fact, I kinda’ think he’s a bad person. Like seriously. He’s an actual asshole and I wouldn’t mind him just disappearing from my life.
“Maybe …” He says. “So what are you doing?” Why do you care?
“Getting ready to go out.” I say flatly, checking myself out in the mirror. My ass looks great.
“Cool.” He says. And the awkward silence after that just says it all. At this point, I’m thinking, I really hope he doesn’t expect me to ask him what HE’S doing tonight, because I could not give less of a flying fuck. So before he gets a chance to get in my head again and ruin my night like he usually does when we break things off, I cut the “conversation” short.
“Okay, well, I’m gonna’ take off. Later.” I laugh a bit, thinking to myself that I will never get those two minutes of my life back and that this phone call has served no real purpose other than to allow him the great honor of hearing my fantastic voice. Yeah. It’s like that.
“Okay…” He pauses. “Bye…”
“Bye.” I quickly hang up, roll my eyes, and finish getting ready.

So Justine picks me up with her friend Lynn (who you might be seeing more of in here, actually, since the bitch is pretty much hilarious and I would love to hang out with her more) and we roll out knowing we all look hot.

“I thought I told you to dress casual,” Justine says, laughing at me in the car.
“What are you talking about? This is casual.” I laugh back. She flashes me a look, and I’m like, “… For me. Casual for me.” We burst out laughing. I’m like always dressed up, you guys. Especially nowadays. I mean, come on! I’m single again! And there’s no better excuse for wearing what makes you feel sexy and amazing than being single, amirite?!

My friday night goes something like this:
complete with time frame estimations …

[9:00 PM] Have a glass of red wine with the girls to pregame.

[9:45 PM] Head out to a local bar and have myself a cherry kamikaze.

[9:50 PM] Finish slowly drinking my shot like a pussy and get myself a grey goose soda to sip on to follow.

[10:00 PM] Flirt with whoever-the-fuck I want and tease whoever I freakin’ feel like teasing.

[10:30 PM] Give my number to a friend I haven’t seen in ages.

[10:45 PM] Flirt with this cutie I meet and end up giving him my number, at which point he buys me a drink that I end up not drinking because I take off without telling him (oops, my bad).

[11:15 PM] Give my card to some guy that’s apparently in the UFC while chatting it up with him outside.

[11:45 PM] Order an ENORMOUS asada burrito from a nearby taco truck (mmmmm).

[11:50 PM] Munch on the burrito on the way to another bar.

[12:30 AM] Get sick of the bar we all end up at and decide to go to another bar.

[1:00 AM] Meet more guys.

[1:15 AM] Run into someone (P) who apparently knows me from both James (abusive ex boyfriend) and G (that’s two exes, wow).

[1:17 AM] Become thoroughly embarassed, then ask P to please not ever mention their names to me ever again because I never want to talk about them in conversation when I’m out trying to have a good time. To which he agrees, then introduces me to his friend.

[1:30 AM] His friend and I end up chopping it up about video games because P introduces me as the chick that kicks his ass at N64 Mario Kart.

[1:35 AM] P‘s friend guesses that I must be a mix of Chinese and Mexican because, and I quote, “Asian girls are usually really shy and quiet, and you’re really outgoing and friendly. So you have to be some kind of mix.” Of course he’s wrong. I’m filipino. C’mon.

[1:40 AM] P‘s friend asks for my number.

[1:41 AM] I refuse, and give him my PS3 sn instead, at which point I type it into his iphone for him. Tell me that’s not fuckin’ hilarious, lol. He insists that I give him my number, but I tell him that if he really wants it, he can get online with his PS3, beat me at Call of Duty: MW2, and then he can have it. Which (come on now, get real) is never gonna’ happen. I’m beast on first person shooters. He’s never gonna’ beat me. So I never have to give him my number! Ahhh, flawless plan.

[1:42 AM] He says that he can’t believe that I’m making him work for my number like that, but that he’s going to do it anyways just so he can continue talking to me. Riiiiiiiiight.

[2:00 AM] Begin heading back to our buddy’s house for an after party.

[2:10 AM] Check my cellphone to see if anyone’s called and notice that G has texted me at 1:52 AM. Wtf? Why are you bothering me? Like, seriously?? Stop trying to ruin my fucking life, you dick. You’re so fuckin’ wishy-washy. You tell me you never want to talk again and that you want absolutely nothing to do with me, and then you call and you text and you expect me to just be happy about it?? How many times have we been through this?! GAAAAWD!! GO AWAY!

The text from G says, “Hey.”
I text back, “Hi. What’s wrong? Why are you texting me?”
“Why not?” He says back. Wtf? Why not? Dumbass. Are you serious? All casual like that? Do you not realize what a total douchebag you’re being right now? Snootily telling me that you’re 100% happy and excited to be done with me, suggesting yourself that we should quit talking altogether, and then texting and calling me?! Are you out of your fuckin’ mind, bro?
“Are you sure you’re texting the right person right now?” I ask, thinking he must be insane. Or drunk. Or both. It’s probably both.
“Yes.” He sends back. It’s now 3AM. Fucker must be lonely and drunk. Seriously.
“What’s wrong?” I say, convincing myself that the only reason he’s texting me is because he’s in some sort of mental or emotional emergency and must need my help. Because why else would he text me, right?
“Nothing, what’s wrong with you?”

…
Fuck you, douchebag.
I don’t have time for your bullshit headgames. And end up not sending anything back in response to that obviously retarded question because I just. Don’t. Feel like it. Okay? I’m done. Seriously, I am so done, it’s not even funny.

So when my phone beeps again to signal another text, I say out loud, “Oh god, please be a text from someone I actually like.” The dude next to me bursts out laughing even though he has no idea what I’m going through.

I hesitantly check my phone.
I smile. It’s from Gabriel.

“Yay! It is someone I like!” I say, suddenly cheered up.
The text reads, “I hate you.” WTF!? Are you serious? I laugh in disbelief, and the dude reading over my shoulder laughs at the irony with me.
“What’s wrong, hun?” I text back, a little worried. I shoo away the dude and he leaves me alone.
“I thought you would still come through.” He’s talking about this event that I was supposed to go with him to. I ended up waking up too late (because of fucking jetlag! UGH! It’s ruining my life!) and missed my ride with him. You have no idea how disappointed I was because of it. Like, I really wanted to go support him and show that I actually care. But fate is telling me to stay away, I guess.
“I couldn’t after that. :( No ride.” I text back.
“What happened to your friends?” He asks me, referring to the fact that my friends were supposed to come up to support me supporting him (lol).
“They decided to go out in town. But I can’t help thinking that if you were at your house right now, I would be there in a second. So I hate you too.” And I’m being super-serious! Like after last call at the bar, all I really wanted was to cuddle up with specifically him. I don’t know why. He’s such a dickhead sometimes!
“Whatever. It’s always easy to say when people aren’t around.” He doesn’t believe me, obviously.
“No, because I look really good right now and I wanna’ show you, y’know?” Rofl. That’s the damn truth. Whenever I look especially awesome (which is every day I decide to put on something other than pajamas and do my makeup, actually), all I can think about is wanting to go show myself off somewhere. And I’d love for him to see me looking good and feeling good. Does that make sense?
“Thanks for rubbing it in.” He texts back.
I roll my eyes. “Didn’t you pick up some booty?” I ask reassuringly. The day before, we had been talking about the fact that we’re both going to go on talking to and flirting with whoever-the-hell we want. We’re both clearly not mentally ready to pursue commitment with each other, so things are better off this way.
“2 numbers, but it’s different for guys.” He says. And I know exactly what he means.
“You’re right, it is. But hey. It’s still something!” When a guy gives a girl his number at a bar, he wants her to call him specifically to pursue something either intimate or romantic with her. But when girls give guys their number at a bar, it can be for many reasons. Anything from wanting to party together, to wanting to hang out as friends, to simply network for opportunities, etc etc. Trust me. I know this. “I gave someone my PS3 ID! Tell me that’s not hilarious!” I joke with him to cheer him up.
“..I’m really lonely now.. Hate this feeling.” I kind of roll my eyes because I’m thinking to myself, wtf. There’s nothing I can do about that. He’s the one that keeps telling me that he wants me to be his girl, and then the next moment, he’s telling me he doesn’t want me to belong to him. Like, OMG, make up your mind. Either that, or stop feeding me your bullshit. Like, it’s his own fucking fault that he’s feeling lonely. But I care about him in one way or another, so I sympathize with him.
“Babe, you have numbers. You don’t wanna’ hit them up?”
“They live in SF. One seems to have a BF. The other just said I should hit her up another time.”
“Blah.” I don’t know what else to say to that.
“Yeah, exactly.”
“Well.. Where are you?”
“Got gas and now getting food.. I think it would have been amazing with you here.” Psh. When he was talking about bringing me with him to the event, he was telling me how he hoped I didn’t expect him to pay attention to me, and that he knows I’ll be upset with him, and that he hopes that we don’t fight during the night. Like wtf? And now he’s saying that he thinks it would have been amazing if I was there? WHY ARE BOYS SO FUCKING WISHY-WASHY?! I don’t have time for this crap!!
“Easy to say when I’m not there.” I say, using his own lines back on him to inject some humor into the situation.
“Ok. Seriously, forget I said anything.” Omg, touchy.
“Dude, do you not remember saying that exact same phrase to me not two minutes ago, lol.” I say, trying to lighten things up.
“I do. The thing is that you’re at home. I’m out actually doing shit.” … There he goes being condescending again. This is what I mean by him being a dickhead. Like he always says crap like that to me. He knows I don’t like it, but he does it anyways. Frankly, I’m really annoyed by it. And at this point of the night, I’ve already had to deal with G’s bullshit. And I do not need more shit-frosting for the my-life-fucking-sucks cake, thanks.
“I’m not at home, nerd.” I say, irritated.
“Goodnight.” He texts back. Wtf? Oh hell no.
“Whatever. You’re such an elitist. Don’t text me then.” Done and done. Don’t feel like dealing with more boy drama. Would rather just chill with my girlfriends and pretend that he doesn’t exist. At this point, I’ve pretty much filed him away with G and have decided to not give a fuck about him. I don’t need to put up with his crap.
“Hahahaha are you having a good night?” He texts back, playing it off like he was joking. I don’t text him back because he’s acting like a fucking child and it’s not fucking funny. And I refuse to play this dumb game with him just because he’s lonely and bored.
“???” Again, I don’t text him back. I go on socializing with my friends at the house we’re hanging out at.
“Answer me!” Wow. Exclamation point, dude? In a text? I guess he gets that I’m ignoring him and that I’m pissed with him.
“No, because you’re ruining my night. Straight up.” I text him back, real as hell.
“Ok sorry. I will be good.” He sends back. Ugh.
“Night.” Dismissively. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to argue. I would rather just end the fucking conversation.
“Night.” He texts back, getting the picture.

I don’t get it, you guys.
I mean, I really, really, really don’t get it.

I’ll tell you something right the hell now, you guys. The only thing sluts are good for is sex. And the only thing manwhore-douchebags are good for is sex. That’s just how the world works.

I mean, personally, I know I wouldn’t want to date a manwhore. So who in their right mind would want to date a sleazebag like that as well?!

But hey. It’s 2010, and sex in this day and age is everywhere.
And if you’re my age, hooking up “ain’t no thang”, feel me?
Sometimes, you gotta’ blow off a little steam. I said it.

And if you don’t have a significant other, but know somebody that’s safe, then by all means — pursue that shit (depending on your own morals and preferences, of course). Personally, if I’m not hooking up with a significant other, then I like to stick to one sexual partner (almost like being monogamous, but without strings attached). I’m only human!! I have my needs! And I feel more comfortable that way. I don’t like sleeping around with everyone and their mom, y’know? I like to be a little more discrete about it. Not that blogging about this shit is being discrete, but whatever. You guys get it.

And currently, Gabriel’s proven himself to be nothing more than a mawhore-douchebag. And we all know that manwhore-douchebags are only good for one thing, don’t we? So hey, why not take advantage of the fact? Not like it’s ever going to go somewhere. He’s made that perfectly clear plenty of times. So why not enjoy the ride, right? If you know what I mean. ;)

I’m single.
I’m gonna’ do what I want.
And if I ever feel like settling down with someone, I will.
But it’s definitely not going to be with some jerk that fuckin’ headgames me left and right like all of my exes have. Like wow. Am I really going to do that to myself again? Took me a while to learn that lesson, didn’t it? *Snort*

I mean, notice how I started to have less fun once Gabriel and G entered the equation?? It’s like my night took a turn for the worse and my mood was soured.

By the end of it all, I was just like, fuck it.
I can’t deal with this right now.
I’m too young, too smart, and too pretty to put up with bullshit.
And from what I’ve experienced so far, it looks like I’m enjoying myself more being single than when I’m worrying about what some headgaming douchebag thinks of me.

So when G texted me again with, “How was your night?”
I answered, “Fun. Still going. Yours?” Because my night was fun. Because I met like a bajillion new people and had a tasty-ass burrito. Because I got to hang out with my girls. Because if not for these stupid boys texting me with their stupid shit, I would have been having the time of my life.
“Me too.” He sends back.

Good for you, douchebag.
No one really cares if you’re having fun or not.
Now go away.

sooo done with douchebags,
XOXO Cheri XOXO

PS! Have any of you ever experienced this type of douchebaggery? Or do you identify with a different type of douchebag? A more rare form of douchebag, if you will? Because, from my own experience, I feel that the “headgaming” douchebags are the most common. LET ME KNOW! I’d love to hear your stories. And if you have any input or advice on what the fuck is going on with my life right now, then dear god, speak up! LOL.

Also, when you get a chance, check out the entry right before this one if you’d like to help me out, please! :)