Can my job just be, “enjoy my life to the fullest” with little bouts of “yes” and “thank you”?
I can’t believe I can do whatever I want.
I am young, I am single, I am at an age where the things I do now are perfectly driven by decision and experience, but I’m just naive enough to thirst for new experiences and revisit my favorites over and over.
Why am I not taking advantage of this right now?
… Maybe that’s what I’ll do after I’m through with my commissions. As a reward. No more slacking. I just like — I get paid so much more for my real work. I don’t know. I definitely underpriced myself recently, but I wanted to go by what the community wanted to contribute. It was an experiment. It went well, but can I survive on that much a month?
I want my own studio. I want to be able to pay to have concrete floors I can fuck up with paint, and open windows to let out the smell of turpentine and fixatives — I want that. I want to be able to afford that on my own. That costs money.
I want to be a professional artist in the sense that I can afford that sort of “career”. I want to spend my time painting in a studio and creating beautiful art.
I’m going to collapse on my bed for a second and just drool thinking about that.
For the love and effort I put into everything I do and want to put into everything I do, the payment does make a huge difference. I just need to think more about myself, and about having this be my life. My business. I could be an artist. I learned that in 2013.
In disbelief, mainly.
I’m going to be an artist.
I’m going to be an artist!
The Sherilynn from my childhood is screaming.
Go for your dreams. The only thing that’s stopping you is you, along with the effort you are willing to put into mastering it. Get to work. Stop being lazy.
My consulting really is a side-business. It’s never been my “job” because it’s just not … A job, really. And art has always been something I’ve also enjoyed doing on the side. But with the weight I’ve decided to put into pursuing art this year, it’s like…
Anything is possible.
That’s what I realized.
I could do anything.
I really could.
But y’know, considering how short life is and the millions of things in it that I can do, why would I want to spend my time doing exactly what everyone else has done? Being me, I get a lot of crazy opportunities to do weird things. And I dunno. I usually say no if I don’t find something interesting enough to spend my time on.
There are things I do value — like time with friends, the people I care about, my family — but when it comes to general life living, or anything to do with boys and dating, really, I’m a path-digger. I like to weed through the crap and find those roads that lead to discovery and inspiration. Create something because of it. Because of that journey. Because that’s how I live my life.
Maybe that’s why I sit around in my apartment so much. Because I’m always waiting for someone to offer me to do something.
I need to get out more. Lol.
But y’know. Running again sort of helps with that. I used to write the craziest entries when I was working out — endorphins are like a whole ‘nother world.
My early clients with art — I feel like I’m a stock and they invested in me. And I’m kind of flattered by that. I under evaluated myself. Despite what everyone’s paid for now, my stock is rising. I mean, because that’s what I’m putting my effort into. My personal value. How I feel about myself. And what I’m worth.
Why am I writing right now?
I should be on a run. Lol. Whoops.
This always happens.
PS. I have an art website coming soon. I’m really excited about it, but it’s so on the back burner for both me and my developer, Lol. Sorry. For now, you can see a lot of my stuff on Instagram and Facebook, and I try to keep my Tumblr active. I also try to end my posts in complete