Sometimes, being mean is the only shield you have to protect your own sanity. * Sherilynn Macale (heycheri)

Sometimes, being mean is the only shield you have to protect your own sanity.

January 20, 2012 in Handwritten, Reflecting

I recently posted a clip to my Tumblr of a small section from one of my handwritten journals – just an Instagram photo, basically, as I am apparently something of an over sharer. After impulsively shooting that onto the web, I received a few comments and emails encouraging me to post more of my handwritten items or notes online, and I really can’t see anything wrong with obliging.

The thing with my handwritten journals, though — they’re usually full of a bunch of shit that I normally don’t want to post online anyway. Complete tell-alls describing my sex life in exquisite detail, rants eviscerating ex-boyfriends or dumb people I’ve managed to encounter, selfish thoughts or dark desires I shouldn’t be sharing with the Internet — that sort of thing. Not something I’d normally share online, yeah?

But every now and then, I manage to squeeze out something tame enough to share with all you curious folk, and it is these PG-13 items that I will probably be posting from time to time. Ask and you shall receive.

Oh, and to my family, if you happen to come across this entry and happen to be reading this very line: Please keep my journals within the family when I die. Do not publish them, do not share them, do not send them out into the world — they are for you and the future generations of our family to enjoy or freak out over, and I sincerely doubt the ability of strangers to handle what I’ve written in stride.

If, however, you find yourself in a situation where you desperately need money and feel that selling my journals would somehow help you, then sure, whatever. I’d be dead anyway. Just make sure you have one great editor to black out all of the crazy shit in some sections that might ruin the reputations of other people outside of myself. The intent was never to drag anyone else down with me.

Er, anyway.
Expect more of this type of entry here on my blog. I’ve even created a separate category for these things just to make it easier for you to scroll through them in the future. Gosh, I’m nice.

Yup,
XOXO Cheri XOXO

14 Comments »

← How do you deal with friends who now either treat you terribly, or don’t try?

How transparency and respect can lead to a better balance between your relationships and career. →

DeAno Jackson

Sounds a lot like my high school experience. By 10th grade, I was downright cruel to people I considered beneath me…which meant more or less EVERYONE. I actively alienated myself, and gleefully sharpened my wit on anyone foolish enough to cross me. The friends I made there sure as hell earned it; they had to cut through all of that and get inside the massive fortress I’d built around myself.

http://www.twitter.com/heycheri Sherilynn Macale

Oh man. Highshool for me was different. I basically let everyone in, was very nonjudgmental, talked to whoever, whenever, didn’t really care too much about popularity etc — but as I got older and more and more people started to fuck me over, I started to realize that not *everyone* deserves to see the sweet, generous and good side of me, and that sometimes, it’s wiser to only treat the people well who actually deserve it. This doesn’t mean that I treat strangers like crap, they just don’t get immediate VIP treatment like my close friends do. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that either, I’m not Mother Theresa.

Also, high school you sounds kind of awesome.
I think that, in our lives, we all go through a period of elitism or snooty-ness, where we suddenly realize how “cool” we are and let that shit get to our heads. But I’m glad that I’ve since leveled out, and from what it sounds like from our previous interactions, you’ve leveled out as well.

Holy shit, I used to be a bitch though. ;)

http://facebook.com/kurt.feir Kurt Feir

The whole past/future section reminded me of The Serenity Prayer; grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

http://www.twitter.com/heycheri Sherilynn Macale

I love that.

http://facebook.com/kurt.feir Kurt Feir

And I as well. Glad to see you back on the blogsphere Ms. Macale.

http://www.cmrelm.com Cathenia McNitt

I like the handwritten post, it seems almost more personal. I could never do it. My handwriting looks like a 5 year old’s.
I agree. It is nice to be nice but you can’t let people walk all over you and you still have to be yourself. Some people just don’t respond or understand unless you get mad at them and show that you don’t take any BS.

http://www.twitter.com/heycheri Sherilynn Macale

I agree that you can’t let people walk all over you. I’ve heard so many comments from people saying things like, “Rawr, you’re so selfish for doing that” and blah-dee-blah — but shit! Sometimes people just can’t take a hint.

CheriBlogStalker#23478–o

Maybe I’m dark and twisted, or maybe something else is wrong with me mentally and emotionally. The thing that always sticks out at me the most about you is when you talk about something, and then say all this stuff about how you shouldn’t go into detail or reveal certain thoughts etc. etc. because most people probably wouldn’t handle it well. That maybe your thoughts and feelings are irrational or corrupt in some way, and revealing them could cause judgment of you or others, etc. Honestly, that’s the stuff I’m most attracted to in everything you write or talk about. I understand that putting out a lot of particular information could easily cause backlashes and whatnot, and don’t blame you for your selections on what to keep private or your reasons why. But man, I love that gritty stuff. All the wild chaos that makes us human and composes the persona that we are…no matter how evil or how pure. I believe you cannot be judged truly, because everything is based on perception. Good to me may be evil to another. My selected times to survive no matter what or make sacrifices for others are mine alone. Sometimes it’s best to leave a massive wake behind you as you carve through life, and sometimes it’s best to leave no trail at all. Ultimately it’s up to you and as long as you can live with everything you go through, then so be it.
Well, I got off topic. But I just wanted to let you know that I could never judge you for whatever you think, feel, or do. I could never tell you your reasons are wrong. You’re not the only person that has rabbit holes inside you. I think everyone has them, but few choose to explore them. This is why my own writing would never succeed–because I constantly explore the depths of my thoughts and it probably seems crazy to a lot of people. I’m not good at holding anything back, and I like to figure out what makes me and others tick the way we do. But I just had to write you a 50 page comment that says hey Cheri, I completely understand and connect with you on that stuff.
NONSENSE_

i read it, n i really like what u wrote. im to stoned right now but i wonna write something nice to you that u could use to help u with ur thoughts, il try to do it asap :D senior philosophy student n to the ils
http://twitter.com/Chewiejds Johnny Salas

Ugh, I can’t do that anymore. In like middle school and early high school I was a pretty nice person. Actually, I don’t mean to brag but I was REALLY nice. But to some people who I found annoying, or that other people didn’t like (This was like maybe 3 people throughout that entire time period. Not that many.) I was really mean to them so they would leave me alone. Then like Senior year, I realized, “holy shit, I’m an asshole!” Since then I apologized to all of them, and I’m pretty good friends with 2 of them. But now, I wouldn’t say I’m a push over, but I don’t really have the ability to be mean. I’m somewhere in the middle, but I’m realizing now that I need to be more assertive. I don’t like conflict. It sucks. But I’m going to end up getting screwed over if I don’t start standing up for myself a bit. Plus, I’m shy. Like not that I have few friends, or that I’m shy around people. I just really suck at meeting new people. Other than that I’m really outgoing.

Blah, I didn’t mean to bring in my life story. Blah. Sorry. =)
http://www.facebook.com/people/Zahid-Mahmood/684331190 Zahid Mahmood

Love the handwritten post.. Well written.. Life is like an exam. you can’t answer all questions but the ones you know best.
Omar Elshimy

ciao pele tu sei pele
SWEENS

i think you will appreciate this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqBkcDbEV9Y&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Pingback: Transparency and Respect for Relationship and Career Balance * Sherilynn Macale