First, some pictures to distract you.
My friends and I at a new club in town looking fiiine.
Can you tell the difference between me and the other asian girl? Rofl.
I’m the one with the sunglasses in her hair (as usual).

You may or may not know this (depending on how much attention you pay to the details on my blog), but I ordered two vibrators (caught your attention?) the other day. Yee! ?

I would say that I’m somewhat of an impulsive person, and when I think that something is a good idea (and foresee no possible negative outcome), I generally run with it. I mean, I figured that since I’m single and don’t feel like hooking up with just anyone, I might as well find some alternative solution.

Thus why I picked up two products from the Swedish sex product company, Lelo.

Some of you are probably grossed out right now, but that’s why this entry is for mature audiences only, ya’ dig? You shouldn’t even be in here if you can’t handle a little sexual experimentation talk.

So SHOO!!
Don’t let your mommy catch you lookin’ at dildos!
Be gone with you! :P

Now, trust me when I say that I am a very picky person. From the shoes I wear, to the clothes I buy, to the friends that I allow into my life, to the nailpolish on my fingers, to the makeup I put on my face, to the cellphone I have, to the cameras I use, to the boys I date — everything has to be exactly how I like it or I will (and I’m not saying this lightly) trip out. Nothing gets added to my “collection of stuff” unless it is absolutely immaculate.

Some might call me anal.
I’d say I’m a perfectionist.
I mean, hey. If I have the option to do something half-assed or do it right? Believe me. I’m jumping for the latter.

Which explains why it took me so damn long to pick out a sex toy for myself. I mean, there are millions of fuckin’ toys out there, y’know? $15 schlongs with “cyberskin” that feel like the real deal — veins, ridges, mushroom tips and all. And then there are $40 plastic vibrators with weird branches sticking out of them and pearls jiggling around in it that make it look more like a baby-rattle than something you’d stick in your coochie. Decisions, decisions, decisions! How was I ever going to decide?!

But thankfully, I have you guys here to point me in the right direction.
Coco in particular (who I met here on LJ and who I consider to be an older, much-wiser, much-more-successful version of me, lol) helped me shop around for the best-of-the-best in personal pleasure objects. So without further ado …

Enter the Lelo Elise.

Click here to get your own! I know you want one! ? ? ?

Don’t you feel dirty just looking at it?!
I bet you’re giggling right now.
Settle down, you! I’m about to educate your ass!

Now, this thing is cuh-raaazy. The Lelo Elise is 8.25 inches long, with about 5.25 inches of insertable length (that’s all you need to hit the G-Spot, really). It’s also about 1.25 inches wide (a little big for me, honestly, but oh well). It has a soft curve to it that helps facilitate G-Spot stimulation.

But blah-blah-blah.

The main reason I even wanted it is because it’s so damn slick and modern-looking! Like a “classy” vibrator. Simple. Elegant. The kind you’d only see in the hands of women who drink cosmopolitans and martinis with olives, sunning by their pools at the Hamptons (or somewhere equally lavish). Lelo products are so luxurious, in fact, that they even come plated in 18k gold!! Click here if you don’t believe me! That would make the most amazing birthday gift, haha! As my friend Kira puts it, Lelo products are like the cadillacs of the vibrator world! The apple-ipod for the new generation of vibrator-users.

It even has a freakin’ ONE-YEAR-WARRANTY!
Is your vibrator insured?! Because mine is!

And it all comes packaged incredibly well. The box that it arrives in isn’t some cheapo “throw-me-away-as-soon-as-you-open-me” box. It’s like a jewelry box, practically. Black, matte, slightly-textured exterior with the brand “LELO” embossed across the lid. Something nice and discreet that you can store your new toy in. And if that isn’t enough, Lelo even throws in a satin draw-string case for you to stow away your pleasure object with! Not to mention an AC adapter for recharging purposes (RECHARGEABLE, NO BATTERIES, WTF!).

The black version of this toy is, in my opinion, the most visually stunning of the three choices (black, violet, and pink). I mean, I would have chosen pink originally, but come on. Sex isn’t cute. Sex is dirty and fun and nasty! Hahaha!

Now if that isn’t enough to make you crave one of these, I don’t know what is.
But because I’m a curious little creature, I couldn’t just stop at one.

So I also picked myself up the Mia from Lelo.

Click here to get your own! I know you want one! ? ? ?

Yes, that is a USB plug.
As in, this lipstick-sized sucker is rechargeable through the USB port in your computer!!
Talk about ridiculously convenient, right?!

I picked up my Mia in the color “Deep Rose” because the pink on the website looked too pepto-bismol for my tastes. But once again, it’s all up to your personal preference.

Here’s my Mia toy charging! ?

Don’t be fooled by her size, ladies. This little cutie can pack a mean punch.
She’s got wicked vibration power — no joke. The intensity you can turn her up to is insane. Not to mention the different vibration settings you can mess with (pulsating, fluttering, extended pulse, etc).

So when I say that this thing is fun, believe me — it is fun! And it’s so quiet, too! It’s basically impossible for someone in the next room over to hear you (even if your walls are paper thin). But if you’re still a little freaked out about it (like I am), then just turn your music up a little and you’ll be fine. ?

Read on for my personal experience
with my new “friends”.
? ? ?

Like I said, I’ve never used one of these things in my life. I didn’t really know what I was doing, honestly. And looking up websites or porno videos on “how to masturbate with a vibrator” wasn’t really working out for me. Lmfao.

But thankfully, Lelo throws in some pretty easy-to-understand instruction manuals to help you get started. I actually laughed a little while reading them because they cleverly use suggestive vocabulary when describing mundane things. For example, they tell you to “Gently insert” your new Mia into your USB port for charging. Nice touch, Lelo. Nice touch. Where “plug that shit in” would have sufficed, you went for a more sensual approach. I like it.

Anyway, I decided to use the Mia first.
Less intimidating. External stimulation. Easy controls.
Great for a first-timer like me.

So after charging her up and sanitizing the crap out of her, I took her for a test run.

And holy crap, you guys. I’m not kidding. This baby hit a home run on her first time up to bat. Do you know how freaking happy that made me?! I was basically laughing for about 10 good minutes after “finishing up”, feeling like I’d just discovered some sort of hidden treasure and it was mine! All fuckin’ mine! ? ? ? I was immediately on twitter bragging about how happy I was, and even on facebook screaming, “JOY TO THE WORLD” for the Lord has definitely cum come! I don’t think I’ve ever been so pleased with a purchase in my entire life.

The slanted cap of the Mia fits right into your palm, leaving the controls directly at your fingertips. It’s formed perfectly for your hand!

I mean … It was just so easy!
When is sexual satisfaction ever that easy?!
I MEAN SERIOUSLY!!

And naturally, after experiencing the awesomeness that is the Lelo Mia, I had to give the Lelo Elise her time to shine.

Sanitize, charge up, do work!

… Aaaand what? I fiddle with her for a bit because her controls are a little more complicated than the Mia, so it takes me a minute to figure out what-the-hell I’m doing. She’s got two motors in her (one at the tip for G-Spot stimulation and one at the base for entry-point stimulation) with about a million (or just 5) different settings for pulsation, so it takes me a bit to decide on what I like. But I eventually the hang of it.

What I learned from this experience is that larger, insertable vibrators like the Elise absolutely need lubrication. Meaning, you can’t just shove that sucker in and expect it to be all fun and games. You’ve really gotta’ lube it up if you want to utilize its maximum potential. And the manuals constantly remind you to only use a water-based lubricant (think Astroglide, or O’My — an organic lubricant) because silicon-based lube will turn your toy into a sticky, tacky, glued-to-your-skin-ish mess. And believe me. When you pay this much for an amazing toy like this, you really don’t wanna’ fuck it up, mmkay?

So for the first portion of testing out the Elise, I was pretty uncomfortable.
I didn’t have any lube handy (get it? “handy”? hurhurhur), and obviously my own man-made lubrication wasn’t exactly cutting it.

I was literally like, “Maaan, I suck at this. No wonder I can never get off when I have sex with a guy.” Because trying to insert it was like, wtf? I’m wet. Why aren’t you going in?! Why doesn’t this feel like heaven like it’s supposed to, huh? Am I hitting my G-Spot? What the fuck am I doing?? Am I even doing this right?!

Clearly, internal stimulation wasn’t enough to get me off.

So I was like, fuck it. I’m gonna’ use BOTH AT THE SAME TIME.
So I reached over, grabbed the Mia, clicked her on and …

Well.
What can I say except …?

BLAST OFF.

I can tell you that I was absolutely floored to discover that all it took was a little external stimulation from the Mia to get the juices flowing, and to give the Elise her proper introduction to my coochie. I felt like I was just discovering my body for the first time. I felt like I had just learned something about myself that I had never known before. I mean, you guys. Do you understand that I have never scored an O-Face from internal stimulation? This was my first time experiencing it.

And uh.
Wow.
Like, wow you guys.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so fucking pleased with myself.
I’m not even exaggerating.

It’s like, these toys are fun on their own and all. But can you imagine just how much more fun they would be if you get to play with them with your partner as well?! I’m so psyched!

The final verdict??
You all need to buy these things immediately.

Forget that expensive shopping trip to MAC, or that weekend vacation to that beach you always wanted to go to — fuck all that nonsense and pick yourself up a fuckin’ Lelo Mia + Elise!! I said it once on my twitter and I will say it again on here, “If you’re a slut, I have found the cure. A sexually satisfied woman is a happy woman.”

You think clothes will make you happy? You think a new purse and a pair of shoes from Nordstrom or Dillards is going to keep you going day in and day out? HELL NO. You need a goddamn vibrator, woman! You will find out so much about your body that you never knew before by just testing these out on yourself. These vibrators will give you your own moment to sit back, relax, and be incredibly sexually selfish. They’re amazing.

And boys, if you’re having a hard time getting your girl to scream? HERE IS THE SOLUTION.

And if you’re just looking to get someone an amazing gift — Lelo products are absolutely perfect. In fact, someone just picked up the Lelo Nea for me the other day and I am more than excited to test it out when it arrives, haha!

So hats off to you, Lelo. You have made my first experience with vibrators an extremely pleasurable one, and I would be more than happy to test out any new products you come out with! ? ? ?

glowing,
XOXO Cheri XOXO

PS! I was not sponsored by Lelo or by any other company when testing out these toys. The purchase of these pleasure objects were made by me for my own personal use, and it’s only because I’m a kinky bitch that I decided to share my experience with you all. Love you guys! If you have any questions about anything, please feel free to ask. I’d be happy to give you the low-down!

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